What Now?

A lot of people has asked what our future plans are post-wedding, and our standard reply includes my big move to California with Roan and that getting pregnant within the first year of our marriage isn’t in the picture yet. And almost instantly, a follow-up question is thrown directly at me: Are you ready? 

YES.

Had you asked me a couple of years ago, I would have answered differently. I would be lying if I told you that the idea of settling down in another place—particularly in another country—away from my family has always been appealing to me. I have quite a lot reservations on this matter, actually. One of which is the fact that I’ve never slept over at a friend’s house nor have I lived independently, so moving to a foreign place, 10,000 miles away from home may eventually become a problem. Second, I know this may seem too shallow of a reason, but I always feel cold regardless of the weather, so adding fall and winter to my system will take a lot of getting used to.

Now that I’m married, I’d say that things have been different since. My perspective towards certain things has changed, too. Every night, Roan and I would talk about plans on the not-so-distant future. I can say that this has made me feel more excited about leaving and finally moving in together with my husband. Don’t get me wrong. I am forever grateful to my parents who brought me up well, and allowed me to stay with them even when I’m old [and capable] enough to move out, and live on my own.

My husband is back in the US now. Has it been 100 days since? As much as he wants to stay, Roan has hands to fill. He has school, army reserve duties, and a future to build. I, on the other hand, am back being my old self: reading, writing, simply doing my stuff even before things got crazy in preparation for the wedding. It’s true that I kind of miss the planning, but my migration to the US is what I am more focused on now. We begin processing my petition papers in two weeks, and while we wait for the results, I should start clearing my room with my stuff. We don’t know how long it will take, but we’re praying that I get to California by Summer/Fall this year.

I know for a fact that my family will be fine. My parents have long accepted that I will soon marry and settle down on my own. The former has already happened, so what’s left is a waiting game of when I will finally move out. I know I will miss them terribly. Just the thought of it brings me to tears, really. With the birth of new technology, communication won’t be a problem. I know nothing compares to being able to talk in person, but being equipped with FaceTime, Skype, and Viber has proven to be convenient. I should know because Roan and I were in a four-year long distance relationship before we tied the knot.

I terribly miss my husband. I’ve gotten used to him being around all the time even for just a few months. I like how it feels to be married; to have a companion whom you can depend on in good times and in bad. Even for a short period of time, I know Roan strived to become the best husband he could be. Being in a long distance relationship when you’re already married is by far the worst situation right now, but I can’t keep on complaining about what is inevitable.

Focus is key. I must look forward to that day when my husband and I will finally be together for good. I need to keep myself preoccupied at all times because I tend to overthink things. Tomorrow is a day closer to seeing each other again. Yes, there’s no doubt about it.

And suddenly, this song played in the background. What’s more fitting than this?

I’m writing the future, I’m writing it out loud
We don’t talk about the past, we don’t talk about the past, now
So I’m writing the future, I’m leaving the key here
Something won’t always be missing, you won’t always feel emptier

Just think of the future, and think of your dreams
You’ll get away from here, you’ll get away eventually
So just think of the future, think of a new life
And don’t get lost in the memories, keep your eyes on a new prize
—Future by Paramore

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