The First of January

It’s the first day of the New Year, and I’m sitting here in my room in deep thought. I don’t think I had enough sleep when I retired to bed at half past three in the morning. Has it been a year since I last did this on New Year’s Day? I realized that it’s becoming a ritual for a few years now.

A lot is going on in my head right now. It’s the best time to think especially now that the festivities from the holiday season are over. Tomorrow, I go back to work. I dread going back to work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. It’s just that we have so many wedding-related things we need to accomplish sooner while Miggy is in town. That’s my other concern. In a few days, he’ll mark the end of his first month from his two-month vacation leave. It hasn’t happened yet, but I already miss him.

I know it sounds cheesy, but a few hours to welcoming the New Year, I kind of felt a bit emotional. I thought I might suddenly burst into tears. It’s a mix of excitement in anticipation for the new year, and fear of the unknown. I can’t tell which is more overpowering.

Here’s the thing: I don’t really believe in New Year’s Resolutions. If you want to change something about yourself, you need not wait for another year to start off with a clean slate. What I do need are reminders for the rest of the year [and in the years to come]:

  • Stop antagonizing your mother.

In the last quarter of 2012, my mother and I have had more misunderstandings than we usually have. My mother and I both have strong personalities, so when our opinions differ, it’s going to be an awful day for everyone. More often than not, even other members of the family get affected by our conflict. Unhealthy. Remember, “Mothers Know Best”.

  • Stop antagonizing your fiancé.

Guilty as charged. You see, Miggy and I don’t exactly have a lot in common, most especially when we are talking about personalities. I’m headstrong by nature, and he’s stubborn in his own ways. In effect, a day without bickering may be considered a miracle. It has to stop. Now. Learn to swallow your pride.

  • Stop stressing out when things don’t go as planned.

Ah, how many times do I have to remind myself of this? I need to learn this sooner especially now that we are planning for our upcoming wedding in December. Learn to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

If, by any chance, you witness me leaning towards any of the above-mentioned, please do not hesitate to give me a nudge, and lead me back on track. I will appreciate it more than anything, I swear.

I’ve never been this overwhelmed on New Year’s Day. It’s only the beginning of even more wonderful things that will come my way, our way. I guess the best thing to do now is to embrace the New Year with an optimistic disposition.

Well, then bring it on, 2013!

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  • Jae, this is a really well-thought, and important, post. My mother and I both have strong personalities as well. It was hard growing up, and it was unpleasant at times. I finally learned to pick my battles with her. Mother usually is right, and even if I disagree with her, I say and do what I must to keep the peace. I wouldn’t have been steered wrong if I had *always* taken my mother’s advice, but I needed to be my own person, too. We are very good friends today. … My husband and I were married for two months when we went out to dinner one evening and sat there with nothing to say to each other. We had nothing in common, and I wondered about the future of our marriage. We bickered, but not excessively. I think I did as you say – I learned to swallow my pride, and I took more effort to make a happy home. I can’t imagine life without him; we have so much fun, and he is my best friend. … Finally, a good friend told me once that all the worrying in the world I would do about a situation wouldn’t change anything and to quit stressing. Do what you can, and everything will fall into place no matter what the outcome. … I think this post shows great wisdom on your part, and I wish I had thought as you do when I was younger. I’m excited for your upcoming marriage, and I wish you peace and joy as your plans all come together. xoxoxoxo

    • I’m overwhelmed by your response to this post, Ms Maddie. I’m a work-in-progress. I know that things don’t change overnight, so it will definitely require an effort [most especially] from my end since I’m the one seems to have so many issues with both my mother and fiancé. And yes, I need to learn to stop worrying too much about things that don’t go my way. This, perhaps, is the hardest challenge/reminder I have set myself. Not that I’m a perfectionist; I just find it hard to understand when simple things can’t be done right the first time You know, things like those.
      Thank you for your kind words, Ms Maddie! I swear if, by any chance, I run into you when I get to the US, I will give you a warm hug. 🙂

  • I like number 1. 🙂 As I grow older, I start to wonder about my mother, I mean, what her life was like before us. And I seriously want to know. I have stopped antagonising her for a long time, and it’s time we become friends. 🙂